???

Coming up with a title is really difficult. I have no idea what to call this one, hence the question marks.
From now on I will probably have to different sections in my updates. One part will be what's happening around me and the other part will be more heart related. The heart related one will be called 'Introspection', the other part I don't have a good name for yet. I'll get one sooner or later.
Another thing that I'll be adding is a "Quote of the Now". It will be on the side. I thought I should explain that title a bit. It's "Quote of the Now", because it'll basically be there until I find a quote I like better. That could be a day, a week, a month, or months.

On Saturday, I worked at the mill. The official title would be Yoder's at Meece Mill, a lady from our church owns it. It's a lot of fun for the most part. But when you are really behind in making fritters and people keep ordering them without mercy, you really feel like throwing your cash register at them or dumping the apple fritter batter on them. Whichever happens to be handiest at the time. We were so incredibly busy, I was exhausted by the time we were done. I wanted to go home and crawl into to bed and stay there until morning. No such luck. My cousins Emily and Garrett were here. They are 5 and 3. So I entertained them. I found out I wasn't nearly as exhausted as I thought. We wrestled for a while. Garrett makes up for his small size with determination. When he latches on to you it's pretty hard to get him off, and you should see his face. It's all focused on the task and full of determination. =) Then we played doctor, I of course was the doctor and Emily was my patient, Garrett was, well, I'm not sure what Garrett was. He did his best to interrupt my doctoring. Finally I picked him up and took him to a dark dungeon (Skyler's room) and was planning on feeding him only bread and water. But he escaped, so I captured him and threw him in the dungeon again. This time he comes out and says, "Brit, let's not 'pay' this anymore." Poor kid. =) So instead of playing they took baths. All in all it was a fun day.

Today my aunt is here with her children, it will be great fun. . .

This weekend I am going to Mississippi. I've never been there. Well I think I've driven through it but that's pretty much it. There is a BLC Summer Staff Reunion there. It looks like it will be a short but fun trip. I'm traveling with a family from church. We leave sometime Friday and I think we come home on Sunday. So yeah, it'll pretty much be a day and a half of people time. =)

Introspection

Sometimes I wish God would quit taking me through this intense teaching/learning process. (He's teaching, I'm supposed to be learning) Then I hope that he doesn't for a long time. I've learned so much about myself and about life, I don't want to quit learning.

I don't understand why God is taking me down this path. I don't understand why I must face so many things and deal with things I never wanted to deal with, pain I never wanted to face. I don't have a clue what lies at the end of this path. But that's not for me to know.

"Where, Oh Lord, are you leading?
I can get so scared in the night
My feet are cut and bleeding
With every step I feel less alive"
pillar of fire-andrew peterson

I don't know how to explain how I've felt through this all. It's intense, it hurts, but I feel. . . at rest. You know how it feels when you walk into someones arms and they just hold you, they already know what you're going through, you don't have to explain a thing. That's what God has been doing to me. Things don't always make sense, I don't always like what happens to me. Underneath all that I know God will be with me, no matter how many people reject me, no matter how strange this path feels, no matter how much it hurts, God is there. He will always be. He'll hold me till the end of time. I'll be ok.

"No matter how scared you might be, looking down over the
sides and seeing that chasm open up, yes, the one that looks dark
as eternal night, the one that whispers words of death. Keep your
eyes focused on the other side, the place where light dwells in
all things. The place where you are welcome. Yes. The one
place you can call home"
the great divide - T.Davis Bunn