I love life. . .

Photography, riding with my cousin in the car with all the windows open, fall weather, beautiful people who love me. . . all have a way of reminding me how very much I love life. I've been driving around quite a bit the past week. . . It's absolutely beautiful. There are little pieces of Heaven all around me if I just open up my eyes. It makes me smile. God is so real, He's so big. . . I don't know how people can live without Him. Then there's the people around me who care about me and what goes on in my life. I am so blessed. Yeah, I love life.

My camera and I have been really busy the last while. I had like 3 different people last week. That's so cool. I absolutely love my job. I haven't been all that busy all year, now it's Christmas picture time and now I have people. So cool. . . This next picture happens to be my new favorite picture. It's of my cousins, Emily and Garrett. They did so good. I had lots of fun with them.














Have you ever taken a picture that you have no idea why you love? I have a few of those. This next one for instance. I've looked at it over and over and can't really figure out what about it that I like so much. The only thing I've been able to come up with is that its an outlet. Kind of like when you write a poem, or draw a picture. . . It's a unique theory but it's the only one that makes at least a little bit of sense. Anyway I thought I'd put it on here and see what y'all have to say about it.














Mississippi--yeah that was cool. Got to see lots of camp people. Go armadillo hunting, dump truck riding, meet an incredible monster of a dog that eats paper towel. (not the one in the picture, this other dog could have ate him for an appetizer) And of course just hang out.

















Introspection

I think God has been trying to tell me to praise Him more. To look at Him and the big picture, not my problems. I sing, "I'll praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands. For you are who you are no matter where I am. Every tear I cry you hold in your hands, and though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm"* But I don't live that all that well. I sit there and pray, "God help me, God save me." Maybe what He really wants to hear is,"You're good. No matter what happens you're good, etc." Lots (ok, most) of my problems are my own fault. I don't look at God and what He's doing. I don't thank God for what He has and is doing. I look at my problem. All I see is the pain. Not that fact that when something gets taken away, or something not so cool happens, it's because something better is coming. I might never see it this side of Heaven. But something big, something awesome is going to happen. All these things happen for a reason. And that reason will be something for my good. How cool is that?!? But somehow I still get caught up in the worry, the fear.

I hate it how you think you've dealt with things then you fall flat on your face all over again. I thought I was done trying to save myself--working my way into Heaven. I thought I was done worrying that people don't like me--fearing rejection. Splat. Down I go all over again. I made a complete fool of myself in the process. I'm so selfish. I can't accept anything. There always has to be a catch. I think, "God can't possibly just save me from myself because He loves me, surely I have to do something." God looks at me and laughs. Who in the world do I think I am?? Do I really think that I am somehow big enough to save myself from God, from Hell, from myself?? Then the whole people liking me thing. I almost ruined an entire weekend because of that. I am so afraid to give myself to people for fear that they will reject me. Selfish. It's not about me. It's about the people. It's about loving them, not loving me. It's not about me. It's about God dying for me because He loved me. It's about giving my life to Him in return.

*Praise You in this Storm, Casting Crowns