:: Home-Country Calling ::

I am homesick. 

I came to that stunning realization a few days ago. I hate admitting that. I love where I live, I have great friends, there is no reason for me to feel lonely and yet, I do. Deep inside I am incredibly homesick. Not so much for a place but for my friends, the friends that know me best, the friends that have been there for most of my life, the friends that know me, the friends that I belong to. Ahh. . . there it is. Belonging. I am homesick for the sense of belonging, the sense of family.  

I have a ‘belonging’ complex. I like to feel like I belong somewhere and when I’m not sure where I belong I get insecure. That’s where I find myself right now. I know the normal answers to this situation is, “Oh you are right where God wants you. You belong there. You belong to Him, etc.” Those are well and good but they don’t always help. In fact they can often make me feel worse. Like there is something wrong with what I am feeling. I read a book earlier this year that helped me understand some of this so much more. Crazy as it sounds I think the correct answer is this, “You are absolutely right. You don’t belong there. You belong somewhere else. Somewhere incredibly beautiful, earth cannot compare and you will never belong to it. This isn’t home and never should feel like home.” Somehow that helps me more than anything else because I know I should be feeling exactly what I am feeling. If I wouldn’t feel that way something would be wrong. Earth should never ever satisfy me. I think my times of feeling an incredible lack of belonging are just ‘my home country calling to me’.  This feeling comes to remind me that earth may be wonderful and beautiful but it can never be home and will never satisfy me.