I didn't know a week could go so quickly yet feel so incredibly long. I didn't know it would be hard to leave. I didn't know it would give me so much to think about/through. . .
It was an amazing week!! I don't know if I've ever felt so accepted by so many people. I knew I could walk up to anyone there and they would be ok with me being there. That of course was really special to me. Last summer I was in Canada for 6 weeks and never felt that accepted. Last summer I also learned to be ok with who I am as a person. (not that I've conquered it) So was the difference me, or them??
So last fall God said no in a very big way to one of my lifelong dreams. Since then I guess I've felt somewhat. . . stuck. (the word stuck is being used because I don't know how else to explain the feeling.) My dream was missions, like being involved long-term. I was like, "God, I thought this was a good dream. I thought it was something you would like." But He said, "No". In so many ways my heart shut down. People would tell me, "God obviously has something better for you." I believed it. Yet I didn't. I was ok with it and yet I was bleeding. It was like now what am I gonna do. . . While at IPS I had something drop into lap, actually more like my heart. It was something I had thought about before but sorta brushed off because it felt next to impossible. It happens to be mission photography. Basically you go hang out at the mission, take pictures, then create a presentation for them to use to raise support and/or awareness of the needs they (the missionaries and the people they are ministering to) are facing. Somehow it feels like someone handed me a pair of wings and, while I love flying, I'm somewhat afraid of heights. I love the fact that I can dream again, it's so freeing but at the same time I'm afraid this dream will be something God says 'no' to. One thing that does help is this dream feels so much better than my earlier dream. I can combine my passion for missions with my passion for photography. That is a beautiful thing. A very beautiful thing. So I guess what I'm saying is, if He does say no, it's because His dream for me is even more beautiful. . . which is ever cool. But now I'm faced with the dynamics of finding His will. That's always hard.
I miss these lovely people. . .
3 comments:
wow looks like you had a really special time.. I hope God helps and continues to guide you!
Um.....like...maybe you could give us a little update here
Brit, I'm looking through your past entries and this one echoed my heart. Not that I was in D.C. with you, but I WAS in CO with you, and it was beautiful. Like you said, it was amazing to know that everybody was glad for you to be there, and wanted you there, even. And...your last comment: "I miss these lovely people" - oh I do too!! Thanks for sharing, this was lovely. :)
Love ya girl!
Ruth Ann
Post a Comment